I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
