It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
