I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
