I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
