i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
