Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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