so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
