Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
