He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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