I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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