Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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