So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
