There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
