did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
