every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
