she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
