I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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