Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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