You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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