So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
