so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
