moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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