addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
