Pappa wants mamma naked
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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