Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
