i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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