You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
