did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
