Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
