He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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