Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
pray to the hookup gods
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
