I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
