u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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