stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
