She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
