That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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