opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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