Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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