He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
