go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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