im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
