okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
