good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
