What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
