The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
