Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
