i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If that was your dad, he is hot
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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