and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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