She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
