I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
