Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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