drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
