Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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