are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
