Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
