One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
