I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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