If i come over, it means nothing
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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