Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
