My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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