Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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